Natasha Richardson...who could have foreseen her untimely death?  She was 45, which is so young...but then Diana, Princess of Wales was only 36.  Marilyn Monroe was 36.  Natasha had 9 more years than either one of these women whose legendary tragic deaths will define them, to an extent, throughout history.  Of course, Natasha was much more fortunate than many women who spend their whole lives searching for their "soulmate", as it appears she and Liam Neeson each found theirs in the other, and had an idyllic marriage despite the pressures of show business that so often tear couples apart.  Liam andNatasha were, by all accounts, totally in sync with each other and happy, happy together. So there is a bereft husband who has undoubtedly forgotten how to live without her, and two boys on the edge of adolescence who will have to navigate those treacherous years without their mother.  Trying to imagine their grief is like dipping a toe into a ring of fire--- it burns, and burns are the worst pain you can experience...even a toe is agony.  Then you consider the fact that these people are living inside that ring of fire, and that it never stops burning for them---not yet---not for a long time yet.  

As much sympathy as I have for her husband and children, it is her mother with whom I immediately identified.  Of course, Vanessa Redgrave has been onstage her entire adult life, and I suppose that as a lover of the arts, especially the performing arts, I've been aware of her talents and I've grown accustomed to her presence in many movies I've loved over the years.  When "Evening" was released, I made Miranda promise not to see it with anybody but me, and we did see it together.  It wasn't very good at all, but the mother/daughter theme was so pronounced in the film; it expanded to include sister/sister and best friend/best friend.  Vanessa was wonderful and gave a performance of a dying woman who has lost much of her memory to dementia that was just eerie, it was so good.  She hit every note emotionally, and when Natasha herself, playing Vanessa's daughter, came to her mother's bedside near the end, you could FEEL their connection.  I remember feeling sorry for Natasha, having to play out a scenario that might possibly be a foreshadow of things to come...but never did I think the reverse would happen.  

And that's really the hard part for me:  the realization that, even at age 45 (Vanessa Redgrave is 72), Natasha was still her mother's baby girl.  Despite all the years and experiences and independent living and careers and all other intervening circumstance, the fact is that Vanessa Redgrave has lost her child, her oldest daughter, her baby.  One minute you're the proud mother of TWO beautiful, talented, accomplished actresses who have both earned their share of accolades and fame, and the next minute none of that matters because you are a mother of a child who has died before you.  Against the natural order of things.  In spite of how well-loved she was.  Regardless of the fact that it was far too early for her to go.  None of that matters, and up is down, and there is nothing that makes sense in the world anymore.

My heart is with Vanessa.  I ache for Liam and her two sons, but my heart is a mother's heart, and it is with Vanessa.  I wish this fact could make a difference.