This is ofeecially the earliest I have ever put up a Christmas tree. My GF made me do it.

Looks good, eh?

It's important to practice gratitude, and despite the icky origins of this holiday, it really is a good reminder to stop and be consciously grateful for the good things in life. I think that's why we celebrate it with such excess and abundance. It's like - look how much we have to be grateful for! We have all of these friends and family members, and all of this food and resources, etc. I think it's also why so many people want to volunteer more around this time of year - to share what extra resources they have with others who may have fewer of them, whether that be time and energy or food and money or love and friendship.

And while I'm nervous about having less of some of these things myself, I know I still have so very much to be grateful for in my life and this is a good time for me to stop and take notice of that.

* I'm grateful for my cat, Cleo. I still can't believe how well suited to one another we are. As she continues to age, I am reconciling myself to the idea that she won't be around forever. But we've had so many happy years together and likely have at least a few more to go and I'm grateful for her every night when she snuggles me asleep, every morning when she snuggles me awake, every day when she follows me around the house snuggling me any time I'm settled in somewhere that makes snuggling possible, every evening when we play together, and every time I come home - whether I've been gone for minutes or days - and she comes running to greet me as if I'm the most important person in the universe.

* I'm grateful for my family. My mom has been an unending source of support to me over the years and I literally don't know how I would have made it this far without her. Plus, she's just riotous fun to be around! My step-family are warm, welcoming, wonderful people who have made me feel at home around them and in their home (as mom lives with step-dad in the home the step-siblings grew up in). My brother and sister-in-law, who have moved back to Wisconsin this past year, and who I am so grateful to for being a more regular part of my life again. And of course my wonderful niece, who lights up any room she is in and who is so good for my ego as she seems to truly love me and enjoy spending time with me.

* I'm grateful for my friends. For my roomie Angie who is so easy to live with, who is so gracious about helping me out when I need it, and who is just enormous fun to be around almost all of the time and is even adorable when she's grumpy. For my local friends who have made this breakup time easier by spending more time with me and keeping me busy, who make me laugh and laugh and laugh, and who share so many of my interests. For my ma'amers group who have all stuck by me and one another through so many happy and horrible moments in our lives since high school (junior high for two of us!) and who feel like family in very real ways. For all of the friends I've met online over the years, whether via talkers back in the old days, LJ today, or other means. You all make life so much more bearable just by being here, and listening, and sharing your lives with me in return. For everyone I can't even begin to name because while I may be unlucky in so many other areas of my life, I have always been incredibly incredibly lucky in the people department. Thanks for being a part of that luck for me. You have no idea how much it means to me, and how much it keeps me afloat.

* I'm grateful for my various medical care providers. My fibro specialist doc is so wonderful and kind and compassionate. My primary care doc gets my trauma issues and is willing to go at my pace. My therapist has helped me so much and brings a lot of good qualities to my mental health progress. I'm lucky to have them all, as I know it can be difficult to find decent, much less really good, health care providers.

* I'm grateful to be on disability and to have medicaid and medicare. Obviously, I wish the need for these things weren't there, but as I do need them, I am grateful that they exist and that they help me live. Again, I know it's not always easy to become eligible for these types of assistance programs and I feel fortunate and grateful that I've been able to get and keep them. I'm also grateful for all of the other forms of assistance out there, as I may be needing more of them in several months. It's a comfort to know they are out there and that it's possible for me to get the help I need.

* I'm grateful for the roof over my head, running water, electricity, heating and air conditioning, telephone service, cable television and internet services, plenty of food to eat - especially good quality local, organic, vegetarian, and vegan foods. I'm grateful for books and movies and coloring books and colored pencils and music and paper and pens and stuffed animals. I'm grateful for warm blankets, soft pillows, comfortable furniture, comfortable clothing, my cane, my walker, my shower chair, and all of the comforts and luxuries of my life.

* I'm grateful for living in Madison, WI which I think is the neatest town in the Midwest. I'm grateful for all of the cool things that exist in this city, all of the nifty people who live here, and for the fairly liberal politics that run the city. I'm grateful that living here makes it possible for me to attend WisCon, which was such a wonderful experience last year and I can't wait to go back!

* I'm grateful for the health and abilities I still do have. It's easy to get down on what I've lost, but there is still so much that I can do and I'm grateful for that every single day - I really am. And I'm grateful for all of the healing and recovery I've done on my mental health issues. My physical health is basically what it is and that's that, but my mental health is such that I can and do continue to work on it and make it better. And I've also been able to work on managing and coping with all of the health issues that can't change or are very slow to change. Accepting them for what they are and looking at all of the good I can still have in my life has been very helpful to me.

* I'm grateful for the beauty of nature - for sunsets and sunrises, for rainbows, for fresh spring rains, for flowers budding and blooming, for evergreens that stay green even on the darkest of winter days, for the squirrels and chipmunks and bunnies that scurry about my apartment complex, for skies so blue you can barely stand it, for the feel of crisp leaves crunching under foot in fall, for the smell of pine needles, for the feel of water lapping at me feet at a beach, for butterflies and birds, for wetlands, for surprising spots of color that show up in unexpected places to make me smile.

* I'm grateful for still quiet moments of clarity, for belly laughs so hard I cry, for the smile of a baby when I make a face at him or her, for that moment right before sleep comes when I finally feel peaceful for a second or two, for the feeling of being embraced by someone I love, for inside jokes that make me giggle inside, for hope, for strength and courage, for bouncing back, for the awesome trust of a cat who lets me lay your head on her belly while she purrs and the feeling of the softness of her fur and the sense that everything is right and wonderful for a few minutes, for comfort food, for the feel of a well-loved book's pages, for the smell of garlic on my hands after cooking, and for so much more than I could ever possibly list.

I am grateful. Today. Every day.

In this shit storm of a year I have one thing to be thankful for.

My friends. You guys are the best. Thank you for your loyalty and love.

And, if you feel bad about how we ex-europeans screwed the natives here in north america, good for you for having a conscience.

However, this is STILL a day to give thanks.

Perhaps you can give thanks to whoever came up with the concept of Reservation gambling. Remember, through this amazing invention Indians are taking the country back one gambling addict at a time.

Love ya kids.

I inadvertently left LJ-land for awhile again. It happens the way it usually does, a few days when I'm too sick to get to the computer combined with a few days where I'm too busy to get to the computer which leave me with a few more days of being too sick to get to the computer, and then throw in a little "now I'm so far behind it will take forever to catch up and I don't have the time/energy for that" and wallah.

I'm not doing super well. I'll just be upfront about that. Physically or emotionally. Just kind of a mess these days. Unproductive. Anxiety about life causing me to avoid life which makes life harder which makes me more anxious, ad infinitum.

I'll be gone over the weekend - going to my mom and step-dad's from Friday-Sunday. Saturday is the day we'll be gathering the rest of the fam together to celebrate T-day. T-day itself will likely not feel like a holiday at all to me, except for when I irritatedly realize that there is nothing on television. But the weekend will be nice. Except for missing my Cleo cat. We've been very glommed on to one another lately, more than usual, and I hate to be away from her overnight, much less overtwonights. But just think of our grand reunion on Sunday when I come home and she races to the door to greet me and I pick her up in my arms and we snuggle and purr and kiss. Okay, yea, so I'm obsessed with my cat.

TV-wise, I've finally started Battlestar Galactica and have been racing through it - just finished season 2.0 and am ready to start 2.5 soon. Mostly, I just wanna hurry up and watch the whole thing so I can know who all the cylons are because I'm so freaking (or should I say fraking?) curious!

Also finally started The Sopranos, but since I'm getting that one via Netflix instead of via Angieflix, it's a slower pace. I've seen the first few eps, though.

And I got dragged (kicking and screaming!! really!! okay, fine, I went of my own free will but only because my friends are obsessed and I love them) to New Moon this week. It was as great a comedy as the first one and we laughed really hard through most of it. I truly hope no one else in the theater was, like, trying to take it seriously as a dramaz or anything, because I honestly only watch it for the lulz. And it's full of great lulz. I just ... wish it was actually *meant* as a parody and that the teen and tween fans were also laughing at it, but oh well.

We went to the Sundance Theater (we're so exclusive, they only have one in California and one in little ole Madison WI), and it was my first time there and it was pretty awesome. I skipped breakfast and had myself a lovely white artichoke pizza, a beautiful cookie, a bottle of ginger brew, and of course a big bag of popcorn for lunch. It was divine.

I have lots to say about lots of things, but I'm so tired. So, they're just not all gonna get said.

A few quick shots:

* Ever since this past week's Glee, I can't get the song "Young Girl" out of my head!
* Vampire Diaries continually impresses me with it's ability to get better and better BOTH in the so-bad-it's-good way AND in the it's-actually-good-good way. Blows my freaking mind.
* I've started watching movies when I go to bed at night to keep my mind busy in those moments before sleep comes (anywhere from 5 minutes to 5 hours). I only have a tiny TV with a built in VCR player, so I basically just choose from one of my many VCR tapes - all of which are well loved and have been viewed manymanymany times over the years. This whole past week it's been Sound of Music, which works out well as Julie Andrew's singing lulls me to sleep. In retrospect, last week's Titanic was not a super good idea.
* I notice at least two people on my flist mentioned having WisCon dreams recently, which is interesting because I also have been having them. I had them a lot after I came home from it this year, then they died down, and now they've back up again.
* One thing I hate about winter: my hands will now be cold permanently until spring. *sigh*

the other day a knock came at my door.

"Who could it be?" I thought to myself. Could it be the postman with a package of goodness for the GF's birthday? Could it be the Jehova's witnesses? Could it be...MEAT?

A few days ago (gosh, like ten days?) the local SWAN's driver stopped by with a delicious sounding tale of excess inventory. Alas, he arrived during rent week, and I was unable to partake in the bounty of his freezer truck. But thursday was my lucky day.

It was MORE MEAT!

The sad story was, even though I had cash in the bank it wasn't enough to purchase a case of meat, even at HALF PRICE. I prepared to close the door and my new friend Charles the Meat Man said "I have some loose packages. I can give you a box of FILET MIGNON for $20."

"Sold!" I replied.

So I am now the proud owner of eight bacon wrapped little pieces of heaven. Well, as of now, seven.

These are fine pieces of cow, folks. I browned it in a skillet and finished it in a 400 degree oven for ten minutes and it was freaking AMAZING. I ate the steak and the baked potato and the cats ate the bacon.

Back in the old days, hobos used to mark houses that were good for a handout. Hopefully, meat salesmen have marked my house, because DAMN.

Van Morrison did a record in 1972 called St. Dominic's Preview. I've wondered about that title since I was 14 and now I know the rest of the story: "I'd been working on this song about the scene going down in Belfast. And I wasn't sure what I was writing but the central image seemed to be this church called St. Dominic's where people were gathering to pray or hear a mass for peace in Northern Ireland. A few weeks later I was playing at a gig in Reno, Nevada. I picked up a newspaper, and there in front of me was an announcement about a mass for peace in Belfast to be said the next day at St. Dominic's Church in San Francisco. Totally blew me out. Like I'd never even heard of a St. Dominic's Church."